PictureA view from my bike while on the island Texel (pronounced "Tessel") in North Holland. I thought it was a good prototypical Dutch picture with the Netherland flag and sheep and such. I was surrounded by so many beautiful scenes like this the whole day in Texel, which was nice because in Utrecht and Amsterdam it's very urban and not what one might picture when thinking of Holland
I think it might be a long one today, folks. Sorry. I need to do these more frequently so I don't have to pile a week's worth of thoughts and experiences into one post. So bear with me for this novel of an entry and then I'll start to do more short and sweet and frequent posts from now on.
Last Saturday (the 17th) I could have slept in soo late but Strowis stops serving breakfast at 11AM and it's free on weekends so I felt like I should take advantage of it. As if 11AM is even that early. I'm such a wimp.
After b-fast I went pretty HAM on some class reading for a paper due Monday but then I got distracted and a bunch of us went to look for kayaks/paddle boats to go down the canals. There were some that were 4 euro an hour (my arms turn to jelly after an hour of kayaking anyways) which is totally awesome but those were all booked so some people went to another place and got a paddle boat but it was more expensive and I like the idea of getting a kayak to myself so I got some ice cream and walked home (by myself - pretty proud of myself for not getting lost). When I got back to Strowis I grabbed my reading stuff and went to a park that's kind of right around the corner but also kind of farther than I thought. It was such a beautiful day. I sat against a tree and read and read and read (only pausing once to take a vine of a man serenading some picnic-ers). The readings were pretty interesting - topics like Dutch tolerance, Amsterdam and the history of its prostitution, the decriminalization of marijuana, euthanasia, and sex work, etc. Eventually I had to get up because a homeless-looking man (who I have seen all around town since) kept stumbling/standing around me and either just watching as I read or talking to me in Dutch and it was hard to ignore. I suppose I could have asked if he spoke English but I wasn't really interested in striking up a conversation with anyone at the moment. It went on for a while until I decided to just walk back to the hostel. Then on the path along the canal on the way back, another homeless man started walking next to me and speaking Dutch so I said I'm sorry I only speak English and he stuttered out "I need money - from you - can you help me?" and it kinda broke my heart but I said I'm sorry I can't and he sauntered off. I've only seen him I think one other time around the park since then.
When I got back to the hostel, I read some more and then a few of us went to get some Turkish food from Ana's Kuzin. So delicious. Got some Turkish Delight too which I had never had before but omg so in love. I got some rose water ones and some vanilla ones. I've come to the conclusion based off observation that there isn't really a specific Dutch cuisine (besides stroopwafel), but there are so many Turkish places so I think that might be the food of the Dutch - Turkish. I'm not opposed, I love a good falafel and stuffed grape leaf. The rest of the night I was very anti social and stayed cooped up in my room reading while some people watched a movie, some played games, some went to a lesbian dance party, and all had fun. I think that was a weird little funk I went through though because there were a few nights that I opted to stay in which is uncharacteristic of me but since then I've been better about fraternizing and getting back to my normal p@rTy G!Rl self (kidding).
Saturday night I fell asleep listening to music instead of white noise like I usually do here and I had a dream where I was at a party and I couldn't hear anything anyone was saying because I could only hear this music. I remember in the dream frustratingly telling someone that I couldn't hear them - that all I could hear was this Arctic Monkeys song that I didn't even know. Funny. 
Sunday after breakfast, I did some journaling and reading outside until I finished what I needed to for the paper due the next day. Then fell asleep in a chair in the sun and it felt phenomenal. Every once in a while the clouds would come by but for the most part it was absolutely beautiful and my skin did some major sun soaking.
Then I started my paper, but paused because I wanted to make some dinner (fried egg and sauteed spinazi and toast yum) before my run with Iveta (!!!) and two other girls on the program, Bethany and Allie. Iveta made fun of Allie and me for even questioning if we should bring our music/headphones ("that would be so not cool"). I thought we were only going to go for like 20 minutes, because when I was talking to Iveta a few days before, we were both saying that we only do like 20 minute runs. However, I realized during our jog sesh that Iveta's "20 minutes" was an approximate, give-or-take-15-minutes, 20 minutes while mine was a strict, I'll-probably-pass-out-mid-stride-if-I-run-at-your-pace-for-any-longer-than-exactly-20-minutes, 20 minutes. We ended up going pretty far and pretty fast. Bethany used to run cross country and Iveta is just perfect so they were nonchalantly chatting and effortlessly trotting along as I tried to keep up and force in some gasps/words (?) as an attempt to join the convo. I think I need to stick with my solo-running policy.
Then we came back and I finished my paper, did a little grocery stop (peanut butter, cookie things that were on sale for 1 euro, spinach, eggs, and cheese that was also on sale. Most cheese here is like upwards of 15 euros. I always get the 3 euro kind but yesterday there was some for 1 euro! Bargain!! Probably moldy!!!) then FaceTimed for a long time. First I talked to Aunt Katey and Mama Jo and Papa John (b-day shoutout to ketey). Lovely convo with lovely people. Then chatted with Samantha, whose birthday was also that day (S/O!!!!), for a long time. That was an alright convo with an alright person (just kidding sam you're so lovely too. And smart <3). After that I started transcribing my paper from typed on my computer to written on loose-leaf (Iveta's letting us turn in hand-written papers if we don't want to find a printer) TOOK SO LONG. ATE SO MANY COOKIES AND PEANUT BUTTERS. I seriously thought it would just be a minor, mindless task I could finish up real quick and go to bed. No. I got blisters on my fingers. I sat there and stuffed my face and listened to David Byrne and St. Vincent and occasionally got distracted and talked to people. Mainly Hannah. She and I ended up being the last two in the common area in the wee hours of the morning but I'm pretty sure she stayed up even later than I did. 
Monday morning we had a lecture with Iveta at 9:45 (early. I kept falling asleep and I felt so bad. I hate when I do that it's so rude) about a Rosi Braidotti article on Identity, Subjectivity, and Difference. It was mainly a session to clarify any questions on the article because Rosi was going to be giving us a lecture later on that day. Everyone was super excited about that. Iveta even got her this giant beautiful bouquet of flowers. She's like a celeb. Anyway, after Iveta talked, a grad student talked to us about LGBT topics in the Netherlands. Interesting term to look further into: homonationalism. Something about how ethnic groups in the Netherlands must have a problem of mistreating queer people. So some politicians and people use this as an excuse to keep immigrants out - "protect our gays" - which isn't right. I don't know. I don't fully understand it yet but I think it could be interesting. 
Then we came back to Strowis, I took an awesome nap, and we headed back to UU for Rosi's lecture. Of course we were all talking about how excited we were the entire way. Iveta went to Rosi's office to get her (she's a lecturer at the University so her office was close) because she was late and we played feminist hangman while we waited. BUT then Iveta came back with the bad news that our site coordinator messed up and never actually scheduled Rosi. Womp. Everyone was pretty devastated but especially Iveta, I think. We rescheduled for Wednesday. Since we had the room, though, we stayed and discussed odds and ends about Germany and stuff. We also talked about where everyone is going to go for our 5 day independent travel. I think I want to go to Paris for the first night (celebrate my birthday) and then the rest of the time in Biarritz in southern France with (Aunt Veronique's parents) Lillian and Francois Lavabre. Not sure yet though. I still have to hear back from the Lavabres to see if that would even be okay with them. It would be awesome because first of all, I love Lillian and Francois and I think it would be really nice to visit them since I have the opportunity; second of all, I wouldn't have to go through the trouble of finding a hostel and stuff which would be very convenient especially because apparently Biarritz is kind of an expensive city; and third, BEACHES. Apparently the weather there is constantly beautiful and there are beaches so I could do that sun-soaking thing again. I was also talking to Simeon and Diana about it and they said they would love to go to Paris and meet me too! That would be so so fun. 
 Then we came back to Strowis and I had some toast and cookies, did some flight research/facebook chatting with David (says his job's going great, so proud of him), and went on a run. So much better by myself again. I also saw a place for Bikram yoga and picked up a brochure. That would be so great. When I got back, I ate a panini made by two girls on the program, Sharon and Kalena. Delicious. I'm part of the meal share schedule most of the girls have been doing now. I wasn't before because I don't like having a specific eating time but I realized how much money it saves people and the food is delicious and vegan and gluten free.
After my shower I came down to the common area to journal/read but ended up practicing German with Hannah. I love having a little bit of an idea of how to speak it. Then my favorite old man who looks like a baby giraffe and is the most socially awkward person ever asked if he could sit and journal at the table I was at. 

My heart melted he's so precious. Then a bunch of us went to get ice cream.
Tuesday we had a lecture in the morning by Iris Van der Tuin, a lecturer at UU. Her lecture was about generational feminism and she's also a prodigy of Braidotti so she referenced her a lot. I liked the things she was saying in her lecture, but the frustrating part was that she was literally reading off of her manuscript (which was legitimate, don't get me wrong. She's actually in the process of getting it published but apparently the publishers keep telling her that "they don't publish epistemology"? Stupid). It was hard to hold my interest in what she was saying because she wasn't engaging. It was a big doodle day for me. I just feel like that's the first thing they teach you in public speaking - not to read straight from your notes or at least make it seem like you're not reading straight from your notes. She didn't even try to play it off, she hardly looked up. AND the whole topic of her lecture, generational feminism, kind of revolved around not focusing on placing feminist ideas/theories/eras into these "waves" or generations. Rather we should realize that it's more of a matrix - that each generation of feminism plays off of the others, so they can't be separated from each other or categorized independently. Part of this means not being condescending to the generation after yours/not undermining younger feminists just because they're younger or their ideas are new-age, because there is validity in every generation's feminism. AND the next generation's feminism most likely plays off of the one before, so an older generation can't critique too harshly because they'd partially be critiquing themselves. I think. I might have just totally butchered the premise of that lecture. Ugh.
ANYWAYS. Kris, one of the people on this program brought up an interesting point. Iris was sitting there telling us that being "generational" is bad, but the entire time she was talking at us and really seeming to belittle us as if she's so superior to us, even though generation isn't supposed to matter. The way she was reading/not really letting us be involved was really condescending and thus hypocritical of her theme. But I'd like to read for myself the stuff she was reading to us because I think I liked what she was saying, I just didn't like the way she delivered it and I had such a hard time paying attention. 
Then we had lunch back at the hostel and then had another presentation in the afternoon by Koen Leurs about migration and digital media. Basically a bunch of techy research stuff.
After that I tried to print my surveys at a copy place but my phone didn't work as a flash drive like I thought it would so I didn't get to print them. Bummer because I was ready to start surveying people.
When I got back to Strowis I skyped Jimmy for a while until I spilled my dinner all over myself and then Iveta asked me to go running with her so I couldn't deny (even though I wasn't planning on running that day and it was like 20 minutes after I had just stuffed my face but like my idol was asking me to run with her so how could I say no?)
Pretty awful run. I mean, the convo was wonderful and I loved bonding with Iveta and hearing all about her home life and her childhood and her cats and her Utrecht apartment and her Utrecht cats and her tree-identifying lessons, but she's just so fast and goes so far, I was dying. Again. Eventually she asked if it was alright if she went ahead of me a bit and I managed to gasp out some sort of approval/plea that she actually go ahead of me ASAP because I couldn't pretend like I could keep up with her any longer. Then she looped back around to me and we walked and identified trees. She rocks. 
On my way back to Strowis I got lost but it was a good lost. I saw some good stuff. When I got back, I started to read a little then skyped Maddie, Kath, and Suse for a while and then Hannah for a while. Both wonderful conversations. It seems like I skype a lot on this blog but I promise it's not holding me back from experiencing stuff. I don't think. They're usually pretty late skype sessions so if anything I'm just sacrificing sleep which is overrated anyways. When I was reading at a table pretty late at night, I was interrupted by two Swiss guys as they were coming back. I think they were kinda drunk and one wouldn't stop talking to me so reading didn't last long. Actually it was just the blonde guy who wouldn't shut up. He was talking about how Americans only like small talk/ritual introductory surface talk, but all he wants to do is get into real talk/deep talk. Then we were discussing the value of one-time-encounter friendships, like the ones you make in hostels. They can be very meaningful/impactful. When I told him what I was reading (black feminism and how black women are in their own category of oppression - they're not included in "black people" because that implies black men, and they're not included in "women" because that implies white women) he didn't really agree/understand or something. Small discussion about that. He started talking about the small talk thing again and said that I was lucky because I'm a girl and any guy will come up to me at a bar and start a conversation with me but it will only be to flirt and stuff so small talk is acceptable there. I argued against that because he's dumb. 
Wednesday we had a student-facilitated discussion in the morning about race/gender in a cultural context. Really good discussion. I just love the student-facilitated discussions the best because I love hearing these girls talk about this stuff because they're so smart and I think I learn more from them than I do from the lecturers. We talked about the experience of black women and how they are not in the feminist dialogue or the race dialogue because they are the Other in both situations. I was thinking about how, if the problem is that the language of feminism is assumptive (when feminists talk about "women," they are implying "white women"), then what if feminists started saying just "women" even when they are talking about black women? Would that change anything? Or like maybe people would notice it so it could change the language for the better? I don't know.
In the afternoon we had Rosi Braidotti's lecture! I don't think it lived up to people's expectations. There was basically a giant bash session back at Strowis immediately following her lecture. It was about this idea of a Posthuman. A lot of people were arguing that so many people still haven't reached the level of being considered "human" so how can we have a posthuman? 
Then I asked Joy, one of the girls on the program, what Femme is because it's a recurring topic around here.  She gave me this really awesome really long explanation that I'm never going to be able to properly reiterate. Something about dressing overly feminine in a kind of satirical way in order to counter this idea that "butch" is the lesbian aesthetic because butch is sort of like supportive of a patriarchal society because it's assuming that lesbians want to look like men. So I think that Femme is this idea that people can still be queer without conforming to this masculine appearance. Just because a girl likes a girl doesn't mean she wants to look like a man (because that feeds into the notion that it has to be man+woman). She can find power in femininity - and play it up with pink, floral patterns, lipstick, etc, in order to make a point.
Wednesday night Kate (one of the girls on the program) and I made dinner for everyone. Stuffed peppers and coconut rice - so good. Then I went on a really long and really slow run. By myself. Lovely. 
Thursday morning I dropped my honey jar on the ground when I was about to make tea. So instead of tea I made a glassy, honey-y mess and had to clean it up before class. Oops. Everything here is glass. Thursday morning's lecture was cool. It was by Domitilla Oliveri, another UU lecturer, about film. We talked about/watched clips from two documentaries. One was apparently like the US documentary Misrepresentation (which I still need to see), but more personal and about cross generational beauty. The second one was about Zwarte Piet (Black Pete), who is apparently the black-faced helper person (kind of comparable to Santa's elves in the US, except Piet isn't an elf, I think he's an average sized character) of the Dutch version of Santa, Sinterklaas. Pretty racist and interesting. It sucked because my stomach was killing me the entire time, so after class, I ended up not going to Amsterdam like I planned. Bummer. But I read a bit and talked to my mom on the phone for a long time and had a mini breakdown about my sudden lack of social skills or desires. She's really good at saying things that make me feel better. Shout out to Renee.
Then I was feeling motivated so I borrowed Joy's flash drive and went to print 30 copies of my survey (still haven't done anything with them, but baby steps right?) and then stopped at a thrift store on the way back and got a cool shirt and a cool scarf. Then I came back and chatted with the girls about sexual assault and consent (casual convo) and then ate wayyyy too much peanut butter.
Thursday night some of us went to acu (the place where we all danced weirdly in my last post. Apparently it's kind of part of Strowis, like I think it's run by the same people or something so it's right around the corner which is nice) and danced weirdly again. It was like Afro-beat drummy music so it was soooo fun to dance to and I got very sweaty from jumping around. 
Friday we all had to move into a 14 person room together because Strowis is so booked that we couldn't keep our smaller rooms. It's been interesting so far. So many alarms in the morning. I got top bunk this time thank god because now I can sit up in my bed.
After moving, we had a lecture with Kathrin T(something) about a "Different Difference." Then I went to the farmer's market and got organic cheese with herbs in it from a guy who had pictures of his goats at his stand. And I got some muesli. Yum.
Then we had a student-facilitated discussion about the cross cultural section of the feminist methodologies reader. It was cool to hear what people thought about tokenization and taking up space if you're not a member of the group you're vouching for and how to be a proper ally and stuff. Then Lauren and Iveta did a mock interview about Iveta's cats which was pretty funny. Iveta was cracking herself up pretending like her cats were there. Friday evening I went on a run, showered, and cut my bangs! Big hit. People love when people cut their hair here. Friday night I went back to acu with Kate, Michelle, and Kris. Danced a lot and it was (again) very fun. One random really tall guy came into our group and started dancing with us. His dancing was very punchy and kicky, it was hilarious. Eventually it was as if we were all brutally beating some invisible object in the middle of our circle. Poor invisible object. Then we went up to the bar area and sat at a table and started talking to some locals around our age. I chatted with an artist named Mitchell (Glitch) for a while until I heard Michelle talking to Mitchell's friend, Robin (Robby-boss) and getting into a heated discussion about the gender binary so Mitchell and I observed and listened and commented every so often. They were kind of going at it and everything they were saying was so interesting so I creepily started recording it as a 50 minute long voice memo on my phone. So absurd but I listened to it the next day and it's hilarious and really interesting. At one point, Mitchell jutted in and started talking to Michelle and then Robby came over to me and we were talking about the same kind of stuff, but I think I realized that he and Michelle were basically saying the same thing. So funny. Then I came back to Strowis and slept for about 4 hours until I got up at 7:30 to go to Texel!!! 
Texel is an island in North Holland that is about an hour and a half train ride and then short ferry ride away. Allie, Kate, and I all went with Iveta. Such an awesome place. On the train we kinda just chatted the whole time and I brought Spot It, so we played that and everyone loved it. Iveta told us all about her Czech life, which was cool. A group of loud teenagers were sitting next to us on the train and we thought they might be going to Texel, so Iveta asked them. They all got awkward and looked around at each other and one girl goes "Texel?" and then they all cracked up. Apparently it was the girl's birthday and her friends were surprising her by taking her to Texel. Oops, ruined that one. We all had a good laugh. It was her 16th birthday which is the legal drinking age here so it was a big deal.
On the ferry to the island, there were so many seagulls surrounding the boat, so of course we all fed them. They were all really impressive with their catching.
I held out a piece of rice cake in my hand and one came and grabbed it from me and bit my fingers and made me bleed HA it was awesome.
When we got there, we rented bikes and went for a ride through the country side and it was BEAUTIFUL and so surreal. Then we found a bunch of cool dunes and had a picnic among them, it was perfect. Iveta gave us a history of Antioch's downfall and restoration attempts and stuff it was interesting. When we finished eating apples and cheese and crackers and olives, we biked some more and went to the BEEEEEACH. Ahhhhh indescribable so perfect. The water was so freezing but I still swam and I'm pretty sure I got brushed by a jellyfish. Kate forgot her swimsuit so she had to pull a  classic panties/bra move. 
After the beach we rode our bikes around for a little while more and went to little towny parts with shops and restaurants. Got some post cards. We stopped at a little pond area for a break and saw a black swan! They actually exist. So beautiful and so evil looking and possessed by the devil but in a really pretty way. It was also totally posing for us.
Long day. So exhausting. I was going to try to go to David Byrne and St. Vincent tonight, but I would be going alone, not that I would have had a problem with that, but I also have a lot of reading to do for tomorrow. It's the start of NOISE summer school which is like a big WGS/feminism week-long conference with a bunch of PhD students. Gonna be a busy week. Apparently we go from like 9AM to about 5 each day. Only one more week in Utrecht! Sad. I love it here. 
Gonna skype Mae Mae for her birthday (19!!! woo!!!!). Way too long of a post. I promise to update in like 2 or 3 days because this is absurd.

xx
Mary Jo Comerford
8/26/2013 01:06:39 am

Eileen, I just love that you can communicate to this extent. Thank you, thank you. Your pictures are also great. The one of the older man could be a print to sell. Enjoy France. xoxo

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Samantha
8/26/2013 10:40:15 am

oh my gosh i got a mention!!!!! a nice one :D your photos are so artsy and your sunglasses are so hipster. love you xoxoxo

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